What is degradation? The verb is to degrade. To degrade in the dictionary is: To treat or regard (someone) with contempt or disrespect, to lower in dignity. Degradation is the act of degrade. When you hear someone degrading you, you feel as if you were stung by a bunch of wasps. Oh, yes. I was stung literally by bunch of wasps once. So I know exactly how it feels on the skin level. I was visiting my friends once and helping them with their children. Their back yard was neglected, and I wanted to do a nice gesture for their gracious hospitality. I ventured out in the heat of the summer to water the poor plants. I turned on the water, and surprise! I disturbed the wasps from their busy activities in their nest. Right there I felt them stinging me a few times on my left wrist. It hurt so much. Suddenly I had hard time breathing. I was shocked. With whatever energy I had I left everything and ran away into the house.
Yes. You have guessed it. I had to go through a painful degradation. An old friend invited me for dinner. We had a wonderful time. I was very excited to be in his presence, and we were talking about all that time that past since the last time we had been together. There were good vibes coming from him. He gave me compliments, told me how glowing I was and how happy he was to see me again after all those years. The evening went very well between us. We even talked about seeing each other again very soon. After that dinner we talked over the phone almost every evening for a long while. It was fun. He had a great sense of humor, and he shared with me his thoughts and experiences. I felt that he was opening up to me.
Then something happened. I wasn’t sure what brought him to degrade me verbally, but he did. He even went to great lengths to tell me that he loved me.
Then he said: “I don’t care what you think because I have to say it. You are fat”.
Wow! That felt horrible, the same as those wasps stinging me on my left wrist. Again, I was shocked. I was silenced for a while, and he kept talking just like nothing happened. He kept on saying that I would have to come and visit him at his new place, and on and on. The ‘I don’t care what you think’ was even more painful than the ‘you are fat’ insult. Well, I am not sure today what was more painful. Both insults felt as if all the positiveness that we had built so far in our renewed relationship suddenly had collapsed.
Why a man has to tell you that he loves you and then turn around and under the same breath tells you that he doesn’t care what you think and that you are fat. Something is wrong with this picture. I love you. I don’t care what you think. You are fat. These statements don’t live under the same roof, at least not at my home. I respect a man that would tell me: “Diana, it doesn’t work out for me. You are a nice person and I respect you, but it’s not working for me. I appreciate your time, and all the best in your life”.
As a side note, I know I have gained some extra pounds lately. I see myself every day in the mirror. And by the way, to date, I have lost already 12 pounds. I have changed my diet, and added workout regimen every day. So personally, I feel much better about myself, and I am healthier, because that is the primary reason why I work on losing weight.
I think if this man had genuine concerns about my health, he could have told me that I was fat in other words rather than being so vulgar, and humiliating. However, I think he really didn’t care much about me. He himself said that he didn’t care what I thought. Also, he was talking so much about himself and his needs, and how he wants certain things etc. Needless to say, I don’t consider him a friend anymore. I don’t really know why he said it so overtly to this day. I called him the day after when I had time to distress and evaluate what really happened during our phone conversation. I told him I didn’t want any communication with him and he shouldn’t contact me anymore.
“The degradation to which you subject others comes back, sooner or later, to haunt you.” – Kenneth Follett
Looking back from that painful experience today, I have feelings of forgiveness for a troubled man who probably neither loves nor respects himself. I let him go, and open my heart to new and positive experiences with respectful people to enter into my life. I don’t want to go through degradation again. However, should it happen again, I promise to myself to detect it faster, not to let the ‘wasps’ sting me, and will be able to respond on the spot and ask the antagonist to apologize.
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